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This is the first sunrise of the New Millennium.
Old Age is Not for Sissies!
Read this with a bottle of booze. Make sure all guns and
knives are locked up and the car keys are hidden. If there is a busy street
near where you are tie yourself to the kitchen table. Ok now page down and
read on if you dare.
My ninety one and a half year old mother-in-law has a saying that "old
age is not for sissies". What she means is that old age is tough!
Every thing hurts and malfunctions. Your joints ache. When you sit down too
long you can barely get up on you feet. Walking is very painful, even with
your new advance walker. Going up a flight of stairs is the equivalent of
climbing Mt. Everest. Your digestion doesn't work too well. And of course
the foods that you like the most are the ones that you have the most
trouble processing in your body. They give you rashes and itch worse than poison
ivy. You maybe constipated most of the time. The rest of the time you have
diarrhea. Your hemorrhoids bleed at the slightest provocation; especially
under the pressure of explosive gas releases. Luckily you can
still urinate, but you can't control when and where you do it. Who
ever invented Depends should be a Saint. If you are a man you have prostate
problems. As you prostate becomes 35% of you body mass, it squeezes off
fluid flow through all passages in its vicinity. ED is a fond memory. Your
teeth are falling out one by one. Even the artificial teeth are
disintegrating. Your dental bridge ends up having no place to anchor
itself. It will soon be retired to a drawer. Your near sightedness has
evolved into Glaucoma and Macular Degeneration. Reading becomes a problem.
People buy you magnifying glasses of Xmas. Your hearing is fading! Probably
because the doctor is always speculating that you might have cancer.
Actually the quiet is kind of peaceful. Your spouse can't successfully nag
you anymore. If only the pain sensing system would fail, but no that is the
last system to go.
And of course no one wants to listen to you talk about your aches and
pains, it reminds them of their own futures. Gradually you forget facts and
dates, then people and places can't be remembered. Eventually you can't
remember that you can't remember. What a wonderful blessing!
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