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This is the first sunrise of the New Millennium.
The First Secret of Retirement
After I retired I soon discovered what I now think of as
the first secret of retirement. No one told this to me I had to discover it
myself. I am telling you this information because it is crucial to a
successful retirement. Please don't tell this to anyone else, not even you
wife or children until they themselves are retiring.
A change occurs when people start thinking of you as retired. I don't think
it is generally malicious, but they think you now have time on your hands.
As a result your neighbor will ask you to walk his dog and take out his
trash. You will be ask by relatives to cut their grass or paint their deck.
The church will call and ask you to help them re shingle the roof. The Red
Cross will want your blood and various groups will be lobbying for your
body parts and internal organs. After all your retired and have nothing
better to do.
The retirement of a large percentage of people is ruined by this syndrome.
There are several things that you can do to mitigate the impact on you.
First and foremost you must control your own thinking. You are retiring
from a company, but don't think or describe yourself are retired. In
peoples minds to be retired is to be doing nothing. This isn't right. It
is even cruel. To avoid problems emphasize what you are doing never mention
what you are not doing. Always be too busy to walk your neighbor's dog.
Never take out his trash. Never let anyone see you resting or worse
snoozing. Be mysterious about where you are going or what you are doing.
It is much better to have people wonder what you are up
to; maybe you have a mistress or are part of a conspiracy. It is also good
to leave the house every day and go some place. Starbucks is a popular
site, if you go there you'll notice many people are reading the newspaper,
a book or surfing on
there computer. These people know the SECRET they are hiding out from
family, friends and neighbors. Libraries are also a nice quiet place to
hide out. They have reading
material, comfortable chairs and you can even sleep as long as your snoring
doesn't bother the other "readers". It is better it go to a
library where no one you know of will every go. Gyms are also a good place
to go. You can exercise, watch television or read the newspaper. However
beware of the
locker room there are a lot of old geezers there who like to walk around in
the nude. I have no idea what they are up to. I suspect it is some kind of
fantasy.
I my case I started going to lecture tapings at a company that records
lectures by professors from all over the country. Taping usually last for
four lectures per professor and there are usually two professors a day. So
this adds up to either four or eight hours a day. If you stay all day, you
get free lunch. They also have snacks, bagels, pastry, cookies and various
fruit. It is ideal. There is a lot of intellectual companionship with the
professor and the staff. There must be other places that people can
volunteer or places that they can work at something that they enjoy doing
and might even feel is making a positive societal contribution. I like to
tell people at cocktail parties that I'm associated with a company that
produces "adult video entertainment".
When I retired I decided that I needed to set a value on my time. I started
by setting my pay scale at $1000/ hour. Remember that you have worked very
hard to get to retirement, these hours are worth much more than
what anyone else was willing to pay us. When people know how you value your
time they will be less likely to ask you to run errands for them. And if
someone agrees to hire you for $1000/ hour maybe you should consider it; if
it is something that you would really like to do. On an annual basis you
should give yourself a generous cost of living raise, at least 5%. Remember
that the clock is ticking, each year you have less time to sell, it is
getting rarer.
The most sensitive relationship in retirement is with your spouse. This can
justifiable be a whole chapter, but here I only want to focus on how they
value your retirement time. You need to have a near infinite list of things
to do. You must always be in a hurry to go someplace. You have to create a
schedule that demands respect. Nothing should be expected of you because
you are too busy. If you cook dinner or bring home take out it should be a
surprise, a bonus. When you know your wife is coming home in ten minutes
get out the vacuum cleaner and when you hear the garage door
turn it on and pretend that you have been vacuuming all day.
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